Days six & seven
We dig out a book we were told to purchase prior to the retreat, “Loving what is”, written by Byron Katie. We read the first two chapters on our own during the morning break. There is a workbook exercise we’re to go through & he wants us to use four people from our lives & do “The Work” (as it’s called in the book) using them as examples. WE’re to use our mother, father, sibling & significant other. We fill in the blanks on the worksheet with our answers to the following questions:
I am _________ (insert a feeling) with my _______ (PERSON…mother, father, sibling, S.O.) because ________ (the reason).
I want my _______(PERSON) to _______ (act accordingly).
My _______(PERSON) should/shouldn’t __________ (do the thing I don’t like them doing).
I need my _______(PERSON) to _________(do the thing I want them to do so I feel better).
My _______(PERSON) is ___________ (list all their bad traits & really let them have it).
I don’t ever want __________(PERSON) to __________ (make me feel or do the things that make me feel how ever I’m feeling) with me again.
And, then we’re to turn these questions back on ourselves asking questions to probe the feelings, change the feelings & come to terms with the feelings.
We’re to sit & write out these question/answers with each of the four people he’s chosen for us to do the exercise with.
Now, though our discussions I’ve gleamed a look at where other people have come from & most of them have mummy/daddy issues, but I don’t. I find trying to dig through my memories for faults with my parents a poor focus for me, but I gain some insight when it comes to my sister, as her & I have been at odds since birth & a significant other is easy…my last relationship ended very badly.
We each take our turn at talking this out with the group over the Mother person in the exercise & fuck-me-Mary it is torture to listen to the other people do this. We go through each question & Chi analyzes each in-depth & then we have to turn it around, which at times is hard to make sense of. It’s just so painful & complicated. I’m last to read & go through the exercise, but by this time the group is drained…mentally shattered by these memories of the most important person in their lives, so I say, “pass”. I tell Chi I am exhausted from this exercise & just don’t have it in me to do it. It’s getting late by this time anyway…let’s just call it a night. There is a collective sigh of relief among the group, as we’re all spent. But, Chi doesn’t call it a night…he talks & talks.
In the morning between our regular routine we continue on with the exercise from the book & it becomes so friggin’ repetitive I just zone out. I think, “ok, ok, we get it!”, but we have Father’s & siblings & S.O.‘s to work through & work through them we do….each time when it comes to my turn, I say, “pass”. I just can’t. This results in Chi’s obvious animosity towards me. I can cut it with a proverbial knife. So, I’ve learned something useful from this retreat already…I don’t care what crazy people think of me.
