Deep thoughts from the road
Wroclaw last day & off to Prague
My last day in Wroclaw consisted of me donning my running shoes & sporty clothes & walking & walking & walking. I wanted to see everything one more time + I felt my jeans were getting tight from all the rich polish food. The day was cool but sunny.
I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts the last couple of days. I mean, I’m enjoying this “holiday”, but it’s a long time to drift around without purpose. I am doing enough writing to keep me sane, but just barely. I’m seeing enough in each place that I visit to feel sufficiently “touristed”, but I’m hanging in the balance somewhere between a holiday & this-is-my-life.
I have worked my entire life…I loved working…I was a hard worker & a gifted business owner…a born entrepreneur & now I was not any of that. I need to find a purpose to this, don’t I? I need to learn how to not define my self-worth by my productivity. I need to learn that taking time to adjust to this next phase of my life is my job right now. I need to learn how to quiet my mind & love myself…to champion who I am & how I am. To not give myself such grief over little infractions of the past. To brush off what other people think of me & if they judge me on one of my bad days or a sentence I’ve uttered during the chaos of my mind taking over…fuck them. I am not a sentence, I am a novel. To realize that through everything I’ve gone through, I have soldiered on always smiling, always being generous, always loving. Those are my good points & if I don’t focus on that I’m the fool. To also surround myself with optimistic & encouraging people. I’m lucky to be blessed with great conversationalists in my circle & that sometimes determines the path I end up taking. I can sound-out my thoughts & once I actually say them out loud, a plan seems to form. I grew up this way. Talking out ideas. Fleshing out plans. Maybe I need to FaceTime with one of my besties?
I’m honestly living day to day right now though & not putting too many plans in place. After talking with Whitney & a couple of other people, I’ve decided to go on to Prague for a few days, but I haven’t booked anything after that as I might end up loving it & stay longer. There are places I want to see, with things I want to experience, but this last month has been full & I have until mid December, as that’s the time frame I have in mind when I’ll go back home.
Home. Ya, that’s another thing that is weighing on my mind. I don’t have one at the moment. I rented out my apartment & my other property is also rented, both with leases in place. I sold my automobile before I left. All my things are in storage. I don’t want to live in Regina anymore. The city has become tiresome & the atmosphere is dodgy & repressive. So, going home is basically living at my parents until I jet off for warmer climates. Then what? I keep thinking…something will come to me!
I’ve got all this time to be reflective. It’s OK to have off days & get deep within my mind. I’m sad, but also excited to leave Poland. I love it here, but I can imagine there are many more places that I will thrill me. I have my eye on Budapest, Vienna, Tirana, Bucharest…then of course going into Spain & Portugal. I booked a 10 day wellness retreat in Portugal for early December as I figured I’ll be properly mental by that time.
Anyway…that’s my thoughts for today. I leave for Prague tomorrow via the bus. I haven’t taken a bus trip since Mom & I went to the Blackhills for a lil getaway years ago, but I remember it was a great way to see the country.
Onward & upwards!
